People often avoid being assertive because they associate it with being pushy or difficult. In reality, assertiveness and aggressiveness are close to opposites, even though they can look similar from the outside.
Aggressiveness gets a point across at the expense of the other person—raising your voice, talking over people, or making the conversation about winning. Assertiveness gets a point across while still leaving room for the other person's position. The difference isn't volume or tone; it's whether both sides of the conversation are actually being heard.
A useful test: after an assertive conversation, both people should be able to say what the other person's position was. After an aggressive one, usually only one person can.
Passive behaviour causes its own problems, just less visibly. Saying yes to avoid conflict, then quietly resenting the workload, doesn't protect the relationship—it just delays the disagreement and adds frustration to it.
Assertiveness is a learnable skill, not a personality trait some people are simply born with. It starts with being specific about what you need, saying it plainly instead of hinting, and staying calm when the other person pushes back—because pushing back is a normal part of the conversation, not a sign that it's going wrong.
This is the core of our Assertiveness Skills course: understanding different behavioural styles, why people react the way they do under pressure, and how to hold a firm, respectful position in a difficult conversation without it tipping into conflict.